Fearless

So I have always had a special bond with music. Through every stage of my life, there is a song or a set of songs that communicate my life at that point. The start of a song will take me back to a moment in an instant, a moment of pain, happiness, confusion, isolation, fear, etc.

So right now I have a mantra and it's one word, "fearless." Lucky for me, it's also a title of a Taylor Swift song. Let me explain. . .

A couple of weeks ago, I was eating one of my favorite meals--Spaghettio's, don't judge. And I promptly got sick at my parent's house. I'll spare the special details. And it was scary. This has been my comfort food for a long time. And it's cheap. I'm not ready to lose it. Last week I just went ahead and ate it, I didn't get sick but I did burn my tongue. Not nearly as traumatic. Fearless.

For a little bit now, my sister and I have been sharing our apartment with a rodent family, it seems. It was not a good situation and at it's worst, involved me crying in my bathroom while a maintenance man was in the main living area. It has been 10 days since I've seen, heard or seen evidence of a furry friend. And quite honestly I think the problem is most likely over. But there's a lingering fear. We could have moved and it would have been the emotional decision but we stayed because when it came down to it, the timing wasn't right. It's hard sometimes to walk in the dark in the apartment and we're still easing into eating at home. We're working on being fearless.

I am reminded that I am in between careers by the many caring people in my life who ask daily how my job search is going. Here are the facts. . . I know without a shadow of a doubt, that I belong in the classroom. I know that I'll be a great teacher. But last week, I was at a job fair with 5000 people. The district in which I have the most connections hired 1 out of every 250 people who applied last year. But I have to believe that something good will happen. I have to keep dreaming of my own classroom which can be any grade between Pre-K and 8th grade. That's a lot of dreams! And I must admit that it's a conscience decision throughout the day to be fearless..

So right now, it's not exactly easy. . . but here's the idea of fearless.
I will be fearless and eat my Spaghettio's even after a rough experience.
I will be fearless and live bravely in my apartment and claim the space as the land for the Vascoozie sisters.
I will be fearless and have hope that against all odds, I will get a job and one of those dreams will become a reality.
Fearless.

FYI-This concept has no bearing on animal heads, people in costumes, dinosaurs, snakes, artificial hair, and anything else that is not important in the grand scheme of things. And I am quite aware that the Taylor Swift song has nothing to do with my life, but it's fun and it contains my mantra so it's all good.